Last night I ranted about all sorts of things. More specifically, Browns talk radio and cliché sayings that bother me. To follow-up on last night’s rant let me start with Browns talk radio. Prediction, this will lead-off my blog on a consistent basis.
Tuned into 850 AM following a bull-buster of a day at the office, bad decision.
Let’s dive right into the hate train… Jerod Cheery does not know what the fuck he is talking about regarding the Cleveland Browns. The most disappointing part is, the dude gets paid to do one thing – showcase his supreme knowledge of the Browns roster top to bottom. Pman, why do make these claims? Well, for the short period of time I suffered through his segment this evening Jerod made the statement that Ben Watson was not utilized as a pass catching TE last year. Jerod, what the fuck man, are you kidding me?! Without checking last years stats I can tell you Watson led the team in receptions and possibly even receiving yards. Mind you, the Browns offense was arguably was the most docile passing offense in the NFL. Watson set a career high in receptions and again (without looking it up) possibly a career high in receiving yards. But he was not utilized last year, right? Look bro, if I had one hour every night to talk about the Browns ball boy’s on 850 AM, you better believe I am going to know my shit. I would sure as hell be able to tell you how many times a day each one of those freak ball boy’s feed the mongoose (inside joke – toilet usage). Okay, enough negativity towards Jerod Cherry. I respect what he does, all I am saying is he needs be on top of his game – sloppy segment man, no surprise there.
Last night I also touched on the saying, “I know right”. Girl at work dropped it once in the morning and again towards the ladder part of my shift. Grrr! At this point I am convinced she is doing it to piss me off. To make matters worse, this super cutie I am taking out Wednesday night used it in a text this morning. I debated deleting her number out of my phone, but then I thought about the potential sex. Just kidding, really looking forward to this date actually. How ironic is that though? No more than ten hours earlier was I ranting in my first blog about how that saying makes me cringe. #mylife
Taking a quick break to throw out a Pman official disclaimer. To hit on my insecurities right quick, if anyone is reading this I understand my writing skills are absolutely horrendous. 5th graders can probably articulate their thoughts on a higher level than me. Several reasons I started writing a blog, number one – improve my abilities as a writer and number two – I enjoy writing off the cuff. Okay, running to get a beer brb.
Back! More of a staggered trot, but got the job done nonetheless. If you are wondering what my beverage of choice is, Rolling Rock no doubt. Had to settle for a Bud heavy considering my next best option was Miller Lite in a can. I have standards you sons of bitches.
Back to this little date scheduled for Wednesday night. No names – taking this girl I met Saturday night to Little Italy for a quick bite, followed by what I hope transcends into a long stroll through CWU campus. Who knows, only time will tell. Ideally, she will shove me up against a 96′ Civic where we will proceed to hook-up for a minimum of twenty minutes. Chest rub, well that is icing. My original plan was an Indians game, but I will be at Progressive Field Tuesday night with one of my best broski’s and his fiance. Any who (inside joke), I opening admit there are some concerns regarding this date.
Was thinking back as to how all of this transpired and why exactly I desire this date. All I could come up with is: she encouraged me to grab her butt through a sun dress (omg bad night to go commando), her smile was incredible (made that mistake before – 2003ish) and finally she made the brash decision to dedicate her night to what I consider a grizzly, foolish looking me. All of those qualities are physical – not good, not good at all actually. What the heck should I do? Maybe it was too loud for her to show personality. Idk..idk
Then there was about a ten minute period at work this morning where I was sitting there feeling bad for myself, because I have cowardly managed to dodge the dating scene for quite some time. So I obviously decided to give love a shot once again lol… or was it the sex. JUST KIDDING, I am not a scum bag. But lordy, the butt squeeze though her sun dress drove me crAzY. Wanted to jump her bones, but I was too busy scrambling to hide my boner. Still nervous on a few fronts, most notably my last dating experience rocked my world, in the absolute wrong way.
The last girl I dated became mental if I did not cum in her mouth after sex, so she could udder the disturbing phrase, “yum, that’s good”. Another story for another blog. Not my proudest moment con cum guzzler, but I was horny as f and it was better than twerking it to porn. Guys, you know what I am talking about. Mom, someone hijacked my account or rather…it was taken out of context
Back to the date, because honestly I am jacked up for this and there is nothing else I feel like ranting about at this hour. It’s my freaking blog after all! How did I go from Jerod Cherry – to Date girl – to – World’s biggest slizz – back to Date girl. This is not going to be fair for someone. Like I said, off the cuff baby.
Better believe there will be a blog following Wednesday’s date night.
Biggest concern: mystery girl is rather quiet. Not sure how to handle that problem. Should I just keep conversation short myself or should I go balls to the wall and pry the words out of her mouth (with my tounge- dammit I am horny again). Hopefully a couple of glasses of wine will do the trick. Oh boy, there is no way she has any idea what she is getting herself into. On a serious note, first dates are a strength of mine and I respect women more than some women respect themselves. She is in good hands, trust me I got this. May be the only man in the world who cannot mentally handle one night stands. Again, another story for another blog.
On the little sweetheart note. Cannot believe little miss thang is 27, think it’s kind of sexy though; considering she does not look a day over 21. Actually, the whole night I was thinking to myself…pman, ask her age, ask her age, do not be a creep and hit on an underaged girl, ask her age you asshole. Tell you what, angelic face fooled me man. Can you tell I am excited about Wednesday? Looking forward to berating her with all sorts of questions – best part of dating is the learning curve. How many brothers and sisters do you have, what kind of music do you listen to, if I was locked up for a quarter century could I count on you to support me mentally? You know, the usual routine.
I’m super tired and sick of sounding like an arrogant prick. TBC…