CLEVELANDER

I debated purchasing a journal the other day, but the thought of somebody getting their greasy little hands on it scared the shit out of me. Therefore, a blog is much more appropriate, right?

Succinct is my second middle name, so I’m going to touch on each topic and move on quickly – maybe if my Doctor reads my blog it will increase the probability of him prescribing me Adderall. That stuff is like a PED for professionals and I absolutely endorse the use/abuse of it. Side note, maybe an employer will read my blog and act like they didn’t see that little piece about Adderall.  

Probably not a good idea to start my blog on such a stale note, but I am about to hate on a few things that have been driving me crazy as of late, in addition to some Browns talk. There is a bogus stat out there that guys think about sex every 10 seconds or some bullshit like that (more like every minute actually). I on the other hand obsess about the Browns every 10 seconds and then move on to sex to fulfill my duty as a man. Let’s get this rolling…

1.) “I know right?”.

There is this girl at work who abuses the line and it irks me beyond belief. Not because she isn’t using it in the right context, but because A. She probably has never seen the movie Mean Girls and B. She uses it to sound cool, which she is not whatsoever and UGH! Thinking about her using that phrase daily just made me lose MY cool.  Let’s just move on and say if you are going to throw out a , “I know right?” it better be because you have lost all interest in continuing a conversation with a filibuster story-teller, so you drop that little bomb, slug a beer and walk away. End of story, use it sparingly, but don’t use it at all until you have seen Mean Girls ( I would still totally hook up with Lindsay Lohan btw).

2.) Jerod Cherry and LeCharles “I tore my ACL in a non-contact practice” Bentley

First question, How did these two jokesters score a talk radio show, I mean come on? I try tuning in to their segment after work and inevitably change the station every time, because they manage to steer EVERY debate into a race issue. Someone needs to clock their segment and see how much of thier show is actually dedicated to Browns talk, serial. A week ago I listened to LeCharles vent about bad daddies and the court system fucking him over in relation to child support for at least 10 minutes (mind you, they only have an hour). Second question, how does that pertain to anything sports related? I guess he did try to tie it into professional athletes and them getting taken for in divorce court for thousands of dollars. Two words: Antonio Cromartie. There goes my ADD again, continuing on…

3.) Colt McCoy

Excited beyond belief to watch this dude start an entire season. If he sucks, he sucks and we will move on. In my opinion there are sufficient weapons surrounding him. Hillis, G. Little, B. Watson and E. Moore. Notice I left off Massaqui, Robo and Cribbs. Love Cribbs, but the idea of him starting as a WR in the NFL leaves me uneasy. Hopefully he can stay healthy and provide much needed explosiveness to our WR corps. Robo, well… I scored two touchdowns on him in a  HS game, in which he maybe had three catches, nough said. Massaqui, simply not consistent and currently in a cast, so not even going to bother talking about him right now.

Back to the other three guys I mentioned. Hillis, if healthy I expect him to outproduce Medenhall and whoever the Shmangals give the node to at RB. Ray Rice (could have had him) is the best running back in the conference hands down – Mans down. G. Little is the best WR on our roster. Don’t think he will have a problem emerging as our number one, considering he has to beat out Robo, Cribbs and Mass. Watson was a great pickup by the Mangini regime. He’ll put up similar numbers to a year ago.  Very solid TE and a great veteran presence. Evan Moore (if healthy as well) could be a big time mis-match for defenses. It would be sick to see him and Watson do what Hernandez and Gronkowski did for the Patriots. Moore and Watson are both solid offensive TE’s and with a game plan geared towards their strengths they could easily put up over 1000 yards and 10 TDs combined. Enough Browns talk for one night, but definitely more to come at a later time.

I have one more thing to burn about…

3.) ” Much to the Chagrin of…”

Has anyone noticed sportscasters are abusing this line like there is no tomorrow. We get it, it’s a catchy line and it makes you sound like a badass. Similar to, “I know right?”, there is a time and a place. The time is not every situation you could possibly drop it and the place is clearly ESPN and Cleveland.com. Mary Kay is good for one per conversation and ESPN, well apparently their sportscasters thesaurus is on auto-fix for any situation a team is displeased with the outcome of something that should have been much more routine. All I am trying to say is put that away until week 6 or so. If I hear it again in the next week I swear to god I’m pulling out my sportscasters voodoo doll collection, taking names and ripping heads off.

There is no way I am proof reading this, for my time is too valuable and I need another beer. Good night! “The pillow is always cooler on the other side.” Remember when Stuart Scott wasn’t such a terd?

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